My brother died when I was in high school. He was eleven years older than me and just short of 28 when he passed from Leukemia. I learned something that day.
His second child had just been born. He was finishing up a degree in architecture. He took a circuitous route so his life was just beginning.
That day, I learned that everything you plan and train for is irrelevant when your time is up. From that day forth I put a lot of stock in peak experiences. I wanted to LIVE. I wanted it all to happen NOW. I was impatient. Tomorrow never comes and now I knew this.
At some point, I had to acknowledge that this way of being created stress in my life. It was like an inner voice forever screaming NOW NOW NOW. I couldn’t seem to achieve things fast enough. I wanted to be touring nationally and internationally with my company before I was thirty. I was. But I wasn’t ready in some ways. I hadn’t learned to edit well enough and was beholden to performers who didn’t serve the overall vision.
Well, age will mellow you out whether you do anything or not, and I have mellowed. Having children helped too. Somehow it isn’t all about me and my moment anymore. But it still holds that tomorrow doesn’t exist. It is an idea. It is a fantasy. It is a concept.
Psychedelics pull you into the now. When you take a high dose of psychedelics, concepts like money and tomorrow are the first to go. They simply make no sense to the mushroom mind. You can’t relate to them. When dropped heavily into the now, you have to contend with what it truly feels like to live your life and sometimes that can be hard.