I’m away on vacation, but just before I left, I attended the MAPS Psychedelic Science Conference with about 12,000 other psychedelic enthusiasts. I spent the first two days in an intensive Grof Breath Workshop. I was really floored by how powerful this work is and I am sure I will reference this workshop in multiple posts.
For my Breathing journey, I had a pretty terrible sitter. Perfectly terrible. I learned so much! I sat with her the first day and we went for lunch afterward. She is training to be a guide for 5-MeO-DMT. I thought she was nice enough - friendly and grateful for my attention. But I didn’t know her. I wouldn’t have guessed she would be so terrible.
When it was my turn to do the breath journey, what struck me is how more than input, I felt that I most needed shielding. The world comes at us all day long. It is incessant. Getting a little psychic space so you can hear your own thoughts and meet the parts of you that are often overpowered by the sonic and conceptual static in our world is so valuable.
I didn’t want my sitter’s influence or encouragement. She said, “You are doing a really good job!” My inner voice said “I wasn’t doing a job at all. And I certainly don't want to do a ‘good’ job!” I didn’t want to involve my ego in this process. After that comment, I had to pretend that my ‘performance’ wasn’t being evaluated so I could focus on my own inner visions.
Additionally, she couldn’t seem to put her own desires in service of my journey. She left partway through my breath journey because ‘she was called’ elsewhere. That’s new-age for ‘I got bored’. The organizers were shocked. I wasn’t. It is actually very hard to remain present when you are asked to take so few obvious actions - to be still with and for someone else. Everyone at the workshop reflected on how hard this was. If you are only used to relating to yourself in terms of winning, losing, succeeding, etc, your ego is going to go crazy when you are engaged in a process that really isn’t about you but requires your full focus.
Despite the sitter, I was able to go on a pretty amazing journey and gather important information. I found that I didn’t want her to attempt to heal me or project anything on me at all. I wanted all of the inputs to stop. I wanted a pod of protection around my body so I could meet my inner healer/vision/voice/memory without distraction.
What I needed was a shield.
This experience made me reflect on my own guiding techniques. I know that in my practice, it is important to take the time beforehand so we all understand the intentions, goals, and preferred level of engagement - how much contact; how much healing work; how much intervention is desired. It is both unnecessary and even intrusive to project anything at all on another person even if you think it is ‘good’ or ‘positive’ if that is not what that person is looking for from you.
The question I often ask myself in Creative Journey is, ‘How do I continue to move toward pure kindness and uncontaminated support?’ This could come in the form of a shield, light, holding, or words of support and originates in respect for the traveler’s creative process.