When I was new to the Bay Area, I was looking for live/work lofts where I could live and create shows. On our way back to SF from a warehouse party in Oakland, we drove through Jack London neighborhood one rainy night and saw a handwritten ‘for rent’ sign in one of the warehouse windows. We copied it down and called. We met with the owners of the Greeno Mattress Factory building. This 750 ft studio was rectangular with tall ceilings and two skylights. I would later call it the Sky2Tank.
The old Italian man who owned it was a bit emotionally unstable, but he was taken with me when I began to dance in the studio to test out the hardness of the floor. After our meeting, all I could think was how much I loved this studio and how I could make dance, including aerial work in it. I made a deal with the forces that be - an IF/THEN agreement. If I was offered this loft, then I would sweep the floor almost daily and not even complain. I put myself in alignment with a particular outcome with a commitment that helped me feel deserving - and showed that I would value this gift.
I was invited to rent this studio that we kept from 1998-2005. We created four full evening works there. We rehearsed, created, and performed there. The act of sweeping the floor over and over again connected me to my sense of gratitude for the space.
I use this trick of the mind still. If there is something I truly want, I think, ‘If I get this, then I will give that.’ Getting this right feels important to me. Maybe it helps me clarify what I truly want and what is a fleeting desire. Maybe it helps me continue to feel grateful for the things I achieve.
I spent two and a half years finding my now husband. It was a lot of work. I went on what felt like hundreds of dates. The desire for a good loving long-term partner was so strong, that I cut a deal. I said that if I found this man, then I would tell him that I love him every day. I would not take him for granted.
I have stayed true to my commitment.
In Creative Journey, I also made an IF/THEN commitment. If my practice were to thrive, I will continue to do my own creative work to maintain a clear, light heart. I will do the work of listening to my own deep whispers so my vision and presence aren’t confused for the traveler and so I don’t forget the pain of actualizing ideas in reality (as in childbirth, there is often some pain involved in creating). In this way, I put myself in full alignment with my goal. I am clear about what the goal will ask of me. I feel grounded in this potential reality.