I was giving an artist talk before my twenty-year retrospective performance at Yerba Buena Theater. The sponsors of the Transform Festival for which my show was a part listened respectfully as I told the story of my shitty little drawings. I handed them out and let them see how bad they looked. I am sure some of them were wondering why Yerba Buena Center for the Arts had decided to present such a bad artist.
After the show, as I had hoped, one of the couples from my artist talk came up to me and said, “Oh my God, you are a genius. When you gave your talk earlier and showed your drawings, I really couldn’t imagine where you were going with these drawings. And then, there on stage, we saw them - sculptures in steel, fiberglass, and ropes, costumes, everything. It is amazing what they turned into.” And I replied, “I know…isn’t it crazy how that works?”
I am not a perfectionist. I don’t believe everything I touch is gold. I believe in sketching. I rough it out. I make what I call shitty little drawings of my sculpture, costume, and choreographic ideas. I even make shitty little drawings about how I want to guide individual psychedelic clients.
My shitty little drawings are not meant to be viewed. They are thinking tools. They allow me to imagine something that has not yet transpired. They open the channels to my deeper wisdom and solve problems before they arise. I imagine what it would feel like to be in right relation to projects, people, and events.
I call them shitty little drawings because I want the bar to entry to be that low. I don’t want to be hung up for a second on trying to make something beautiful in that moment. I just want to get the idea out. If it is a good idea, I will make twenty more drawings and then hire professionals to draft the idea for me and do scaled 3D renderings.
My job is to hear the whispers, listen to the muse, and do what it says. This service attitude is helpful. It is humble. It allows me to do without triggering the ego’s protection which might stand in my way for fear I might make something ugly. ‘Look, I already said it was shitty and little. There is nothing for you to protect, Ego. Now let’s get to it!’