My dear friend Andrew told me a riveting story of living in Asia and getting many massages. One day, the owner of the massage parlor had a special treatment in store for him. In a private room, four therapists descended on his limbs while the owner worked on his head. The entire time, she gave him what I call an ego massage. Gently repeating, “You are so handsome. You are so strong. You are magnificent.” He described his experience as a complete neural explosion.
I organized a retreat for some of my closest friends this past weekend. The ritual I had planned was called ‘Ego Massage’ to help us all recover from the devasting political news of the week. We began with eight people massaging both the body and mind of one person at a time - moving as dancers around the table. We soon became less tethered to the table and my friend suggested she be my mobile ego massager for the rest of the weekend. Everyone followed suit and offered each other moments of powerful ego service.
We all struggle with our egos. They are heavy and confusing as they expand and contract, and they are sensitive to so many factors. I knew this ritual would feel good. But I didn’t realize how powerful this experience would be and how transformative the collective experience would become. The entire weekend was full of enormous highs. On some level, everyone seemed to fall in love with everyone.
The ego massage led to outrageous laughter and moments of deep life introspection as a dear friend reflected to me that even though things can feel like a lot of work and I have moments of doubts or that things feel like they aren’t moving fast enough, I am “that beautiful and creative, psychedelic spirit guide that the world so desperately needs right now.” His full body, mind, and spirit support encompassed me.
We were in the mushroom mind. Mushrooms elucidate how we are all connected to all living beings and the natural forces on Earth. They also allow us to step off the usual highways of mind and, with increased neural plasticity, make new neural connections. Using this special state of mind flexibility to introduce a powerful new experience of love, celebration, and confidence had lasting effects on the participants.
One of my friends reflected, “As someone who struggles with confidence and critical self-talk, I embraced this opportunity to absorb this positive message and welcomed any rewiring that may take place. Maybe this is the "secure attachment" that I missed as a baby and child. That's often thought of as something that must occur in a window of development, and afterward, that window is shut. I think accepting this secure attachment later in life from this ritual can have a radical effect if I allow it to. I feel different in my body this week, feeling that I am coming from this fully loved and accepted place. I notice a shift in interacting with others from a place of security. Collaborating with my boss yesterday, I noticed I had less of a nervous people-pleasing energy and instead embodied confidence and ease.”
We have so much power to effect change in our lives. We simply need to try things and see how they feel. What ritual can you enact to transform your personal, family, and professional life?
*photo of Capacitors Cari Delaplane, Oscar Trujillo, and Jodi Lomask by Christie Deng